Like the title? I’m not good at posting daily, obviously. So, I decided to try to post every few days during this time. I’m going try to shed some light on how it affects me and also some of my friends in all aspects.
This has been an unprecedented trying time. The world is in a crisis. We are quarantining due to the coronavirus. How is this affecting the world you ask? We are essentially seeing so many people die from this disease. It’s very contagious. So, we are on lockdown. It’s very stressful.
How is this affecting myself and people I know?
Well, I will start with myself. I’m a psych nurse, so I still have to work. My hospital is opening a unit for those with corona virus. We have to wear masks at work. We have to check the patients for symptoms. We have to try to explain this to the patients too, as much as they will understand. My patients mostly have autism and intellectual disabilities. So it’s hard to get them to understand.
As far as how it affects me, it’s hitting in a lot of ways. We do have to stay at home unless we are essential personnel. We are recommended to carry our badges when we are heading to and from work. Other than that, I’m mostly at home. I do try to keep busy by watching TV, hosting online support groups, and a few small projects. I started ordering my groceries. That is a change. The stores are running out of things, and I’m having to change things on my list. For example, they didn’t have my fat free cheddar cheese. O had to substitute full fat cheese. That triggers my fears of gaining weight again. I’ve been fairly careful about what I eat, and I’m afraid of this changing that. I’m now panic shopping at the store, just like everyone else. The stores are running out of food, toilet paper, and cleaning wipes. I watch the news, and I feel more scared. The death toll is rising. But, we have to do what we can to brighten our days. I miss the physical connection with people. But, I am learning more about video chatting and doing things online.
How is this affecting my mental health? I go up and down hourly. I am afraid of the unknown. My OCD (and everyone else’s) loves certainty. And, we don’t have that right now. I can’t even plan more than a day in advance. I’m panicking anytime someone says they’re sick, and I’ve been with them. I’ve called the health lines twice already (I’m fine, btw.). My OCD is latching onto everything. It’s really focusing on my hyper responsibility regarding reporting child abuse. It is thinking that everything is child abuse, and I’ve done more compulsions than I like. I’ve also had health OCD come up. I’ve been afraid that every symptom I’ve had is coronavirus. I also had hit and run OCD come up a few weeks ago , thanks to a drunk person slapping my car while I was driving on St. Patrick’s weekend. It’s been a perfect anxiety and OCD storm. My therapist is doing therapy sessions online, and she finally told me I can text her when I have urges to compulse. She really is a huge help.
I also notice how much some friends are suffering too. I really feel for those who aren’t working or able to pay their bills. I have an empathy for their situations, and it’s awful. I try to express those feelings. I know people are dying, but it’s normal to feel sad about this too. It’s okay to feel for them too. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. I’m still learning that everyone is entitled to their feelings and thoughts, whatever they are. At times, that is a hard pill to swallow. And, I have to accept that I might not get that certain feeling that people understand me (even when they say they do). Dialectical Behavioral Therapy skills certainly are hard. But, it’s time to let ourselves accept the facts, feel whatever we are feeling, and be okay with the fact that others may or may not feel the same way. Breathe… We will get through this.
The RealOCD Girl 